Written Thursday July 31
The Trip Over
It’s a good thing the US didn’t play France in the World Cup. They would have gotten schmucked. How do I know. I flew US Air to Rome after flying Air France to Paris.
Air France: A pretty stewardess wearing a silk scarf greeted me with "Bonjour Monsieur, your seat is right that way.”
US Air: A Woman pointed her broomstick and said “go that way.”
Air France: They served hot nuts for a snack and hot bread just before the meal.
US Air: No snacks. Ice cold bread in cellophane with the meal.
Air France: "You have zee choice of Chicken Cordon Blue with almond beans and scalloped potatoes or Pasta primavera with a hint of saffron. Would you like white or red wine with that?"
US Air: "Chicken or Pasta? Wine’s extra."
Air France: Dessert was hot with chocolate and heavy with whipped cream. Of course, cheese after.
US Air: Now I know who bought out the Twinkie surpluses. The question is how long ago.
Air France: French movies, English movies, Swedish movies, movies about movies. The list went on and on. The head phones were high fidelity and free.
US Air: NetFlix rejects. The touch screen was reminiscent of Tony Orlando’s “Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me.” Only one ear plug had sound, and the wire pulled out when I laid down.
Air France gave flight progress in Metric and British units with both time zones.
US Air: For those of you who are my Fair Weather Friends on Facebook, you saw a screen shot of “The Pond” with the US Air flight progress across it. For you Neanderthal’s who don’t do Facebook, it said, "Flight Data Unavailable.” Sorry about the “Fair Weather” wisecrack. I know that if anyone ever said something derogatory about me on Facebook, you would surely not press “Like.”
"French fashion" vs "Fun with Quilting” in the magazines, Blindfold and ear plugs vs keep your eyes closed and your mouth shut, hot towels vs use your sleeve, etc. Make that France 5, USA 0. You’d think the Italians would take some pride in all flights going to Rome and help spruce them up bit. But I guess Once Bitten, Twice Shy.
Now you know me. I’m not a half-empty kind of guy. Some even think I’m totally full of it. But there is a bright side to all this, (after you forget that I used 130,000 frequent flyer points for the flight, my whole stash from all those trips to Washington in my working daize, and paid an extra $100 to upgrade my seat to the front section of the middle of the plane—not that you have more room, just a shorter wait to get out. Since it’s such a lousy flight (add that 4 hours into it you are flying back over Boston after a visit to Phily), … where was I? Oh ya, … such a lousy flight that no one takes it. The plane was half empty. That meant that once the doors closed, we could squat on as many seats as we could homestead in the wild rush. Ding. Duck. I was able to nab both seats to the left of the aisle and curl up into a fetal position for most of the 10 hour flight. I slept well, but needed a wheelchair to get off the plane.
That’s it. I arrived safely in Rome. Took a limo to the hotel, checked in and opened the windows to this view:
A presto,
jkd
(I thought of signing this "Cristobo Columbo," but that’s for the trip in the other direction, and besides, my daughter said Columbus was a crud because he abused the Indians. It’s likely true. maybe it's in the Italian genes because I myself have felt like doing bad things to Elizabeth Warren.)
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